Mama don't wont it

A while back I was working as a paramedic covering the County Fair when a sweet little old lady was backed into by a car in the parking lot. A perfect little Q-Tip, I had regularly seen her wandering up and down the highways picking up cans.

Anyway, her hip was obviously fractured. My partner and I discussed this with her and told her we needed to take her to the hospital.

Her response, "Oh, no. I can't go to the hospital, the aliens are coming at midnight."

"The aliens are coming at midnight?"

"Oh, yes. And they'll fix my hip, don't you worry none about it."

"Yeah, I think I'm worried about it. Did you hit your head when you fell?"

Her: "I don't wont to go to the hospital."

About that time her family showed up. A mid-50's daughter and son-in-law and a grandson with his family. None of them brought their teeth.

After a thorough explanation of the situation, Daughter says, "Mama don't wont to go to the hospital."

Me: "Mama has a broken hip. She needs to go to the hospital."

Daughter: "But Mama don't wont to go to the hospital."

Me: "Let me reiterate. Mama has a broken hip and thinks aliens are coming at midnight to fix her hip and take her away. She really needs treatment. "

Daughter: "Mama don't wont it."

Believe it or not, the upshot of a vociferous discussion between the family, the patient, the sheriff, myself and partner was that they borrowed a backboard from us, fastened dainty little Mama, broken hip and all, to it, loaded her into the open bed of their pickup and took her home. Honest folks, they did bring the backboard back right away.

I never saw Mama wandering the highways again. Sometimes I wonder...